The BBC announced today that the adorable, in a homely sort of way, Kate Humble is being pulled from presenting all programmes featuring animals. She will be jetting off to pastures new on the next flight to Afghanistan and will be the sole presenter, cameraperson and sound recordist of an exciting new show, Spring Offensive Watch in which Kate will try to film the nightly antics of the Taliban as they set up an ambush or plant improvised explosive devices. Kate is reportedly very much looking forward to swapping the song birds and badgers of leafy Hampshire for the bombs and bullets of downtown Sangin.
While it has not been stated openly the move is believed to be due to concerns over Ms Humble’s safety after death threats from animal rights activists during the recent screening of her Lambing Live series. Over the course of several weeks Ms Humble endeavoured to make entertaining television out of hundreds of sheep giving birth, while licking her lips and occasionally muttering “That’ll be a lovely bit of leg once it’s fattened up a bit.” This, and the product placement of a jar of Colman’s mint sauce on a shelf in the lambing shed, apparently enraged the more extreme members of fanatical vegetarian and vegan associations.
The BBC insist that the move is in no way a demotion for the popular presenter but a great opportunity for Ms Humble to excel in her own right. “We recognise that it will be a challenge for Ms Humble to produce an hour long nightly programme for BBC 4 entirely on her own,” said a spokesman “but we simply cannot afford the amount demanded by her usual crew to accompany her. Well, not with Wogan still getting a million quid an hour for his Sunday show.”
The BBC went on to deny that they have bowed to pressure from an extremist group and insist they have never ever done such a thing in their 90 year history. However, older viewers will recall the early 70s when Pinky and Perky were taken off the air after the PLO objected to having to watch two pieces of performing pork for half an hour every Sunday evening at 6.30 and threatened to kidnap Valerie Singleton.