German scientists are claiming a new weightloss cucumber is show startling results in early beta trial. Dr Gunter Prien explained that working from the basis that cucumber is already one of the negative calorie foods that use more calories to digest than they give,his team have multiplied that effect by 5000%. The calorific deficit is now so great that violent weightloss is assured.
In a statement Dr Prien stated "We are pleased with the result of the trial so far, but I think we will have to reduce the effectivness slightly on the grounds of common decency and public hygine, but overall it is within our grasp". The team have also been working on celery, but that market maybe too small to be economic. "The celery has so much working against it, that it might not be worthwhile, it's not even recreational in the same way cucumber is, but carrots might be a goer"