Paedophiles today rejoiced at the news that Primark was withdrawing its padded swimsuits, instead returning to last season's 'flat chested' look which has been so popular among kiddie-fiddlers the world over.
Brian Harper, a repeat sex offender from Hull, said 'There's no point grooming a kid if she looks like a slapper from the local boozer, is there? If I wanted a girl with a double-D cup, then I wouldn't have to risk getting my balls flushed down the loo in prison for it. Those tarty padded bras put me right off. I'm sure I speak for all Britain's paedo's when I thank Primark for getting rid of them.'
After observing the nonces' reaction, outraged parents have been rushing to protect their pre-pubescent children by plastering them with cheap makeup, wear skirts that barely cover their arses and getting them wasted on cheap cider in a bid to make them look as sexually unappealing as a vomit-stained Cardiff hen-party's visit to a brightly lit kebab shop at 3am.