UK diplomats have asked for urgent reassurances from their American counterparts after news reports that US President Barack Obama has 'rekindled' the close relationship between Poland and the USA.
At the end of his six-day tour of Europe, Mr Obama praised Poland's 'impressively swelling' economic growth and 'well-rounded' support of pro-democracy movements in North Africa and the Middle East. In a press conference with Poland PM Donald Tusk, the US President said Poland was "one of our most attractive allies, and certainly our closest partner in Europe".
In response, the British ambassador in Washington, Sir Nigel Elton Sheinwald, released a statement confessing concern that America's recent appreciation of Britain's own 'special relationship' might not translate into tangible transatlantic economic benefits.
"Is the USA some kind of slag, or what?" He asked journalists at a press conference this morning. "Leading us on like a right little tease - Poland special? They said we were special, the tarts!"
British Prime Minister David Cameron expressed 'disappointment' with what he called the 'fickle values' displayed by American diplomacy. "When Obama came to see us, he said he wasn't into huge booming recoveries," he complained. "Now we find out he's courting Polish opinion, and all of sudden he can't get enough of her massive economic capacity - it makes our growth look unimpressively flat, I'm afraid. Now we realise they took advantage of us for short-term political gains - I feel used. Would it have helped if I'd said how dirty some of our foreign affairs can be?"
Reginald Blythe-Partington, the UK consul in Gdansk, threatened to use "every diplomatic means at our disposal" to prevent Poland from signing unilateral US trade agreements to the detriment of Britain. "Basically, if the Poles go and get into bed with America I'll go straight round Lech Walesa's house and nut the bastard", he explained.