Insiders at Fox television have revealed that the vacant seat on the panel for US X-Factor will be filled by Mega-City One’s leading citizen, Judge Joseph Dredd.
Renowned already in sci-fi circles for his merciless put downs and rare ability to carry off the difficult fashion look of massive shoulder pads with knee length boots, it is felt that Dredd is the ideal replacement for the asinine Geordie minx. A spokesman for Fox confirmed that Dredd was screen-tested last week in preparation for the hand-over. Not only does he trump Simon Cowell in terms of mid Atlantic-English high-handed viciousness but executives are particularly pleased that Dredd’s reputation for grunting in preference to speaking means that they will have few of the ‘accent’ issues they suffered with Cole. One executive said, ‘what is great about Joseph is that if he doesn’t like someone, he just snarls and then riddles the contestant with a few bullets from his voice-activated law-giver…it really does make for great television. Paula Abdul went ape-shit when he first did it!”.
British viewers can look forward to Dredd’s appearance on their screens in the Autumn. Until then, he is being watched carefully by production staff and guided particularly on the etiquette of auditioning. The executive we spoke to said that during the first rehearsal in Salt Lake City, Dredd had ordered all the auditionees to disperse outside the main atrium as they were causing a public nuisance. Fourteen people were judged and summarily executed on the spot. Variety Magazine has also reported that Dredd’s twin brother, Rico, may be considering a quest spot on the rival Pop Idol and is likely to duet with Latin songstress Jennifer Lopez on the Hollies, ‘He ain’t heavy, he’s my Brother’.