A knight has claimed that being asked to walk in a straight line was a breach of his human rights.
A police spokesperson dismissed the allegation.
"The gentleman in question was clearly drunk," she told a packed press room. "He would manage only a few steps forward, and then one to the left or right. One on occasion, he took a single step forward, then staggered three whole steps to the side. The officer in question had to catch him to stop him falling over."
The claimant - a well-respected thespian who cannot be named for legal reasons - received his knighthood for services to entertainment.
A source close to him claimed that, at first, he found it frustrating only being able to move in L-shaped patterns.
"The frustration didn't last," said the source. "He quickly discovered that he could jump right over people - on one occasion even leapfrogging Her Majesty the Queen - and was delighted with his new party trick."
Another source recalled how, in Berkshire, the newly-knighted actor stunned onlookers by jumping over Windsor Castle, twisting midair to complete his characteristic L-shape before landing. Having jumped over the Queen and even a castle, it was starting to look as if literally nothing could stand in his way.
Sadly, his moment in the spotlight did not last on that occasion. He was upstaged when the castle got up and proceeded in a straight line north as far as it wanted, making headlines all over the world.
Support for the actor, who is an outspoken atheist, came from an unlikely source on Tuesday evening. Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams made sympathetic comments during an interview with the New Statesman.
"Obviously, the Church of England understands this kind of predicament," he told the publication. "We understand it better than any secular organisation could, for the simple reason that there are more than 60 Anglican bishops in the UK and Ireland, and every single one of them is living with the burden of only being able to move in diagonals."