Speaking to the audience after her spectacular farewell show, Oprah Winfrey, possibly the world's most influential woman, unexpectedly announced her sudden and firm intention to devote her life from now on to bringing about the glorious workers' revolution and thereby an end to the domination of the bourgeoisie and privileged upper classes.
This tangential new career direction came after a glittering extravaganza at the United Center in Chicago, where stars such as Madonna and Beyonce queued up to pay homage to the great female leader. Such was the magnificence of the event, it is likely that Winfrey was reminded of the Stalinesque "cult of personality", especially during Jerry Seinfeld's reverential stand-up routine.
Winfrey's conversion to the cause of Marxism-Leninism was apparently unexpected, occurring during the farewell show itself. "As the great and good paraded before me," she explained to a worldwide televison audience of hundreds of millions, "Telling me how I, unlike any other, had made such a difference to the poor, the downtrodden, the lumpenproletariat, it suddenly struck me that the obvious logical course for me would be to use my power to strike down the ruling classes and found a stateless International where each contributes according to his ability and receives according to his needs."
Entertainment industry commentators expressed surprise at Oprah taking up the cause of extreme left-wing politics at this point in her career. "When she cried "this isn't goodbye, this is until we meet again', we had in mind a possible appearance on a new cookery programme, rather than the brutal extermination of the running-dog middle-classes," explained the editor of Hollywood Today. "But you have to hand it to Oprah, she's reinvented herself once again. The dirty commie swine."