At a one-off gig in Oxford Street's Boots pharmacy, perennial rockers Aerosmith announced the release of an eponymous first hemorrhoid cream. The product, tag-lined 'Sittin' on the Edge', is the band's first foray into the lucrative world of non-prescription endorsements.
Lead singer Steve Tyler explained why they were so keen to burst onto the scene: "With pop sensations like Justin Beiber and Lady Gaga releasing perfumes, we thought it was about time we came up with a unique smell that reflected our music. Unfortunately, that smell turned out to be a blend of cabbage soup and Ralgex."
Undeterred, the band identified a different pharmaceutical product that would benefit ageing soft-rockers everywhere: something to eradicate piles.
Tyler continued: "Tight spandex trousers and hours spent sitting on warm amplifiers really does cause problems with the old 'farmers'. And we were sure many of our fans suffer too, probably as a result of advancing years and cold arena floors. It would certainly explain why they 'Walk This Way'."
Aerosmith don't have this market all to themselves, however. Van Halen have already announced a rival ointment called 'Grapes of Roth', and the Guns n' Roses offering, labelled 'Don't Cry', features a replica Colt 45 applicator.
However, all three bands need a 'big push' to catch the market leader, U2's 'Unforgettable Fire'. Pharmacy experts think it's an uphill task. An industry insider explained: "Seeing Bono's face on the tube makes people instantly think of irksome arseholes."