Against the wishes of its manufacturer, Arctic Rolls were granted protection under the EU 'regional food' policy yesterday. From July, the retro dessert can only be labelled 'Arctic Roll' if it is manufactured within the Arctic circle.
"This protection was applied for by our arch rivals, Walls", explained Mr Glace, a spokesman for Birds Eye. "We will challenge this ruling, but in the meantime, we're trying to find out if any of the inuit tribes have experience with jammy sponge desserts. We're following up a lead from a recipe for Baked Alaska." Lawyers for Birds Eye were reportedly scouring an Atlas for an island called Viennetta.
The ruling is the latest in a string of 'tit for tat' applications by companies keen to undermine their competitors. Cadbury's were the first to bring the issue in front of the EU, by applying for protection for Mars Bars and Milky Way. Mars have drawn up emergency plans for a rebranding of Mars Bars to Slough Chows. However, research using a GCSE book on astronomy showed that the Milky Way snack is already technically compliant.
There have been early casualties in the 'battle of the brands'. In the north of the country, vast areas of the Yorkshire Moors bear the scars of failed tea crops. Steep property costs mean that the Chelsea bun is no longer economically viable, and Disco crisps were withdrawn when many were found to be infected with Chlamydia.