The United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) has pledged to move its headquarters and entire membership to Zurich if either of the two main political parties wins the General Election on May 6th.
“May 7th, we’re off,” said party leader Lord Pearson of Rannoch, “probably to Europe, where we’ve got more MP’s.”
New European Union regulations on economic migration will make it easier for UKIP’s 16,000 members to relocate to Switzerland, Spain, France and Portugal.
UKIP member Bob Loft said, “If we’re going to be saddled with the Lisbon Treaty, we might as well live in Lisbon. We’ve got a lovely villa in the mountains. But we aren’t turning our backs completely on the UK; we’ll still be nipping back from time to time, when we need a quick health check or a major operation.
"Just because we believe in independence for the UK from Europe, doesn't mean we actually have to be in the UK to do it. We think that it's very important that we keep the British flag flying, even if some of us are doing it from Cologne. Also, if we're actually 'on the ground' in Europe we can scupper the European Union from the inside. Like a Trojan Horse, but a Trojan Horse that completely excludes the Greeks."
Lord Rannoch echoed this sentiment and said, “At our annual conference this year in the Algarve, I will reassert our commitment to getting the UK completely out of Europe.”
Former party leader Nigel Farage also defended the proposed move, and said, “We are tired of the main political parties being in the thrall of the Europeans. Instead, we need sensible British policies that allow us to ban objectionable foreign things like minarets, just like the Swiss.
“However, I must emphasise that we do not consider ourselves a single-issue party, and our manifesto is crammed with a broad range of policies intended to promote ‘civic nationalism’ - such as making it compulsory for chaps to greet each other with a cheery ‘what ho?’; statutory politeness; a stiffening of upper lips, especially amongst the young, and the freedom to buy a pound of bananas for a shilling.”
UKIP's most infamous party member was TV presenter Robert Kilroy-Silk, who was forced to leave the party in shame after it was discovered he had paid a huge army of imported Polish workers to try and break South East England free from the rest of the country using crowbars.