Germaine Stott, radical feminist and film critic, apologised unreservedly for her performance at this year's Cannes film festival. She was sacked by a media magazine after her reviews failed to mention her vagina even once, and only made use of the phrase 'phallocentric' on three occasions.
"I think she may have experienced a breakdown, her writing was most out of character," a close friend divulged. "Her review of 'Tree of Life' actually contained four paragraphs that I understood. She even used a smutty pun that made me giggle, and by the end of the review, I had a rough idea of what the film was about. I'm really worried about her."
Other critics were quick to round on her. "Her reviews are completely unacceptable, she's just telling people whether or not she likes a film: there's no hidden agenda to her writing," complained Barry Kermode, a reviewer for BBC4. "Take her review of 'Driven': it features car chases, and at one point a long-bonnetted purple sports car races into a tunnel, while squirting its washer jets. She didn't bat an eyelid, not even one comment about 'patriarchal oppression of women', or 'subliminal misogynism'. I think she's lost it".
The final straw came when she submitted her review of the latest Mel Gibson film. The editor of 'Flicks', the feminist film magazine, explained: " It features a furry glove puppet that is constantly violated by a male hand. How could she not have a field-day with it? It's even called 'Beaver'!"
Ms Stott was unavailable for comment, but her spokeswoman did point out that her review had called Mel Gibson a c**t.