McDonald’s stockholders have voted down a recommendation that the company stop marketing its products to children to counter the growing obesity epidemic among the world's youth.
The plan called for the retirement of Ronald McDonald and would have required the removal of toys from the company’s Happy Meals. It was rejected by every McDonald’s stockholder except one, the Hamburgler, who reportedly does not like children.
“Rather than restrict the popular Happy Meals concept, we’re going to expand upon it,” a McDonald’s spokesman said. “The new idea is to create Happy Meals for children of all ages.”
Instead of toys, the adult Happy Meals will contain single doses of either McCrack or McMeth, two new products now being developed in the company’s McLab. “We want to give our adult customers an adult choice,” the spokesman added. “And have some adult fun.”
In line with the new product launches, the company also announced a major change for McDonald’s mascot. The name of Ronald McDonald will be changed to Ronald McPusher.
“We're through clowning around,” a McDonald's spokesman said. “We've been cooking our customers' their favorite burgers for more than half a century. Now we're going to fry their brains.”