The celebrity, who cannot be named for legal reasons, bought, attended, stole, used, had sex with or participated in a major or minor night club, actress, actor, event, play, TV show, object, city, restaurant, footballer, clergyman or funfair yesterday, on Tuesday, or some other day. We are allowed to report that the celebrity is between the ages of sixteen and two hundred and comes from London, or lives there, or lives elsewhere, or is recently deceased. He, or she, or a new gender-neutral pronoun of his/her/mer choice, is (it can be revealed) more famous than Danny Wallace but less famous than Madonna.
The celebrity in the green hat does not like dogs. The celebrity who likes cats does not live at number forty-one. Interested readers are advised to draw a grid.
It is understood that the celebrity has obtained some sort of something which prevents reporters from reporting any more details, although the details of the something are protected by the something, something else, or nothing.
Members of the public are warned not to pass on any details they know about these events, or face prosecution. We are unable to advise which events this warning relates to.
It must be stressed that none of the above is considered "in the public interest" and there is no reason why anybody should be concerned.