Support groups for ignorant fat slobs have reacted with outrage at the recent attack on a completely innocent Member of Parliament, Ken Clark, 70. Mr Clark (64, 64, 128), was recently assaulted by a gang of media and popular opinion types purely for having the nerve to flout himself in a BBC radio studio looking pretty, much an idiot. Having had the temerity to open his mouth provocatively, Clarke was mercilessly taunted by the popular left-leaning media, being called "a fat slob", "a fat idiot slob" and "a fat idiot slobby stupid fat idiot stupid slob-bag".
Jeremy Clarkson, lifelong spokesman for the downtrodden fat berk, was forthright in his defence of the frail Secretary of State for Justice, saying: "Mr Clarke is very much the innocent, whose credulous outpourings have been perverted by the disgusting media who want to revel in the disgusting denuding of this blameless naif. It reminds one very much of bear-baiting, which is ironic, given that Clarke was in fact the last man to eat a whole bear, back in his Cambridge days."
"To judge this poor man purely by his physique and the way he is dressed is an outrage. Just because he happens to be wearing a bulging morning suit, straining waistcoat and Garrick Club tie spattered with the remains of oeuf en croute à l’écossaise; to assume he is a mere slob is a disgusting stain. As, coincidentally, are the the remains of the oeuf en croute à l’écossaise."
To protest against the shameful mistreatment of the rotund simpleton, a "Slob Walk" protest march is being planned for central London. Next Monday, rumour has it, hundreds of fat, stupid men will gather in the Westminster area in taxis and chauffeur-driver limousines, before taking their seats on the Conservative benches of the Houses of Parliament.