In a bid to flex the party's waning political muscle, Liberal Democrat Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has turned his proposed NHS legislation on its head, announcing new plans to retain 24,000 bureaucrats and remove all GPs and publicly funded hospitals from the NHS payroll.
'On the basis that patients will either recover without intervention, or keel over whilst ploughing through red tape and paperwork, this innovative approach to healthcare in the UK will save millions in operating costs,' he told the Commons.
Loud banging following Lansley's speech, initially thought to be Black Rod practising the famous door-knock for the State Opening of Parliament, has been later confirmed as Deupty Prime Minster Nick Clegg thumping nails into a satin-lined walnut box marked 'Liberal politics'.