The green/blue half of Glasgow is celebrating in the streets today after Celtic/Rangers narrowly won the Scottish Premier League title. This was the 28th season in a row in which Celtic and Rangers/Rangers and Celtic have fought all the way to the finishing line, with Celtic/Rangers coming out on top in an epic/epic last day.
Rangers/Celtic were confirmed as champions when they beat Kilmarnock/Motherwell 1-0 in the last round of SPL games, while Celtic/Rangers beat Motherwell 1-0 but it made no difference/astonishingly failed to beat Kilmarnock. Rangers/Celtic fans described themselves as 'overjoyed', while many Celtic/Rangers fans were visibly distraught.
'I'm delighted/gutted,' said Davie Neill, a lifelong Rangers/Celtic season ticket holder, who had travelled the full 20 miles from his home in Ayrshire to see the final game. 'The lads done brilliant/just couldn't quite get us over the line. It's been an epic/epic season and we've ended it in style/crashed and burned at the last minute. It literally hasn't sunk in yet.'
All police leave in Glasgow has been cancelled, with warnings of possible sectarian trouble ahead tonight. Many angry Rangers/Celtic fans have muttered that they were going to look out for 'those Fenian bastards'/'those Proddy dogs' and give them a good kicking. And police intelligence warned that, unprecedentedly some may even try to ambush the victory parade/use rifles/attack the rival manager, oh hang on that happened already, or even eat fruit in public.
In today's other SPL match, Dundee United/Hibs/St Mirren drew 0-0 with Hearts/Hamilton/St Johnstone before a crowd of 249/188/26 to secure fifth place/a bag of apples to share in the dressing room/enough spare cash to pay the cleaners for the rest of the month. There were no fatalities.