A paparazzi photograph released to the media yesterday shows an unsuspecting Lady Gaga summoning an audience of lesser demons in preparation for her next gig. Her horns are clearly visible in this shot, which reveals the hideous monster normally hidden behind her extravagant human disguises and outrageous make-up. "This explains her extravagant human disguises and outrageous make-up," said a well-known paranormal journalist, Brian Van Helsing, "There has been a persistent rumour that she is not what she appears to be, and many of us have been trying to penetrate her for years."
There was a jubilant response from "birthers" who have long argued that the performer's sudden appearance in fully adult form just a few years ago is proof that she is not of this dimension. They have been demanding to see Gaga's birth certificate, claiming that it will prove she was in fact born in the Circles of Hell and that her father was none other than the demon Asmodeus himself, a noted musical agent and reputedly the power behind several major record labels.
The response by Gaga fans has been mixed. Janice Legworthy of Lowestoft, England, called her local BBC radio station to say that she had long guessed the truth but that she felt obliged, as a born-again Christian, to turn the other cheek. And in any case a Gaga concert was the only place she was allowed to shout F***! in public. On the other hand, a male fan who gave his name as Mike Smitten was emotional as he described his shock at seeing his idol revealed in the demonic, inhuman flesh. "It's hideous," he cried, "I mean look at it, the head isn't even on properly, and look at those love handles, it's just horrible. But my major worry is ... er ... well to be honest I wrote her a few letters, and some of the things I suggested doing weren't humanly possible. Now I realize she isn't human, I'm seriously concerned that she might take me up on some of them, one day."
A London agency which supplies professional impersonators for children's parties reported that there had been a number of cancellations this morning, though business for stag and hen parties had picked up considerably.
Lady Gaga was unavailable for comment, though her agent reported sales of tickets for her next gig have skyrocketed since the story hit the press. "This could be the biggest show-business revelation since Boy George admitted he was gay," he laughed, clipping a fresh cigar with his tail.