The leading political parties, including almost everyone from Labour, have today announced that they have united to form the 'anyone but Gordon' party, to prevent the dreadful Scottish PM ending up in control again, by accident.
'Quite frankly, we'd be happier with a cheese sandwich in power than that tit,' said one activist. 'At least a cheese sandwich can't do any actual harm.'
Gordon Brown is expecting to field family members, cardboard cutouts and specially-imported snowmen and shop mannequins to contest every seat.