Voice recordings of Liberal Democrat MPs, secretly made by the Daily Telegraph, have revealed that 'imperfect copies' of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher are under development in the UK. The recordings clearly describe the furthest developed clones as having reached the equivalent of 24 years-of-age and the Telegraph claims that they may be ready to take over from the current underperforming cabinet 'within days'.
According to the tapes, clones with the keenest right-wing sensibilities are being coached by Conservative Chief Whip Patrick McLoughlin, with those who fail his training regime having their spines removed before being passed on to Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg 'to help bulk out the façade'. 'At least that partly explains their drastic change in attitude,' said one former Lib Dem supporter, 'and it might be why Vince Cable suddenly has hair.'
The recordings mention 'obvious imperfections' in some of the clones, which are blamed on scientists struggling to recreate Baroness Thatcher's childhood. 'It's not going well to be honest,' admitted one MP in the tapes. 'Two of the clones are already shunning a political career and are branching out into laundry, calling themselves 'The Ironing Ladies', and the youngest clone has unfortunately been removed from the programme after becoming pregnant.'
'They don't know how it happened,' continues the recording, 'but one of the lab chimpanzees has a bloody smug look on its face.' The pregnancy is not explained further, but rumours circulating on Twitter about a recently granted super-injunction indicate that a celebrity may be to blame: 'Thatcher clone pregnant by chimp? I'm looking at you Russell Brand!'. No denial from Brand has yet been forthcoming.