Despite formerly supporting the theory that Jesus was happy as a carpenter, Wikileaks today revealed that the alledged 'son of god' was more devoted to his biological father's calling than creating the perfect dovetail.
In a 3rd Century parchment leaked from the Vatican archives, the then Pope and current host of TV's QI, St. Stephen, revealed details of a diary kept by Jesus during his teenage years in which he outs Mary as a 'tough mother' and tells how he tired of spending his evenings whittling. Tweeters around the globe are already saying that this indicates why this time in Jesus' life is omitted from the current edition of the Bible.
"Josef had me carving donkey phalli again today. I really don't get the pleasure from them that he seems to," read an entry for August in 16 AD, "I'm sure that my real father is out there somewhere, even if I can't seem to find him." Another entry in June of the following year revealed Jesus' growing frustration with the world of carpentry, "Dovetails, dovetails, every day it's bloody dovetails. Who does he think I am, Noah?!"
The papers on Wikileaks have been denounced as a fraud by the Catholic Church. In a statement from Pope Benedict XVI released last night, the Vatican stated, "In the words of our Saviour, it's all just donkey phallus. The only reason we don't feature Jesus between the clearing of the temple and his crucifixion is that much of it was the same, sermon here, run-in with Pilate there, and we wanted to keep the storyline flowing."
A Vatican investigation has begun to find the source of the leaks. A Swiss Guards spokesperson said, "When we find the leaker we'll plug him like a Priest on a schoolboy'