A so-called 'Slutwalk', in protest at comments blaming women who dress provocatively for sexual assaults, attracted record crowds to central London today. The scantily dressed women, aged between 23 and 37, literally stopped the traffic with their revealing march through the streets.
"Phwooar!" observed one onlooker: "this is much better than the Countryside Alliance march." "These ladies can raise my socio-sexual issues any day of the week" quipped another. Officials estimate that the audience outnumbered the protesters by at least 5 to 1.
The protest was not without controversy. The Metropolitan police, keen to distance themselves from complaints of being heavy-handed, took the decision to forego riot shields and helmets. In fact, many of the officers were barely in uniform at all, adopting skinny tees and Speedos instead.
Many of the protesters complained of 'excessive and unwanted kettling'. "I had to ask one officer to stop prodding me with his truncheon", explained leggy Blonde Amanda Plenty, 23: "but he just winked at me, and claimed to be unarmed". "The officers kept insisting we hold our placards up higher, and jiggle them up and down", complained a Ms Helen Lovelace, 36-24-34: "although judging by their whistles and whoops, the police were really supportive of our cause."
The event was deemed to be a success overall, with no injuries, one arrest for "being sexy in a built-up area", and 14 exchanges of email addresses between police and protesters. MPs had taken the unprecedented step of insisting the march went through Parliament Square and past the House. However, William Hague revealed he had turned down repeated requests from Silvio Burlesconi for an official visit to coincide with the event.