Internet firm AOL is attempting to cut nine hundred jobs, however it is having difficulty in removing the ex-employees from the building.
"We thought we had got rid of them", reported AOL's head of Personnel, Jim Crocket, "But some have been in hiding for weeks sneakily using up our coffee and sandwich resources without us knowing as well as downloading pointless data, both filling up our servers and cutting our bandwidth in half. They also repaint the walls in the reception room to the colours of a rival search engine, we repaint it to ours but when we return in the morning it has reverted again.”
It appears that the problem has been happening at the AOL headquarters for several weeks and they are at a loss to know what to do about it.
“We have trawled through all the internet forums which deal with this issue and done everything they suggested," stated a company spokesman on the issue "even going as far as removing the whole Directory of the company, but it has not helped."
When questioned on what would happen if the problem was not fixed within the next few weeks the spokesman suggested that the whole building may have to have its contents removed, burnt and replaced with new, ousting any hidden ex-employees in the process.
"this may seem like a drastic measure" explained the spokesman, "but it may well be the only way to completely remove this resource hog. They do not seem to realise, or accept, that their presence is no longer required”