Senior CIA staff admitted today that Water boarding would no longer be used as a method of interrogation.
It had been thought an effective way of getting information from Al Qaeda until a senior source noted they weren't getting confessions but mere whistlings that resembled bathroom songs.
It was later discovered that most captives spent 365 days per year in sandy holes, caves and remote hillsides. An undisclosed operator said "What's the point in simulating drowning when the closest they come to water is a muddy puddle? The final straw was when one terrorist came for torture with a rubber duck and some shower gel"
The CIA are now looking at alternatives like 'A big old wedgie, nipple twisters and long days listening to Dolly Parton songs"
Thanks for listening