The raid on Osama Bin Laden's compound was painstakingly planned and directed by Hollywood, it emerged today.
"Fighting wars is an expensive business" explained a shadowy spokesman for the CIA "but when we pull off a real doozy of a mission, it's Hollywood that cashes in with the film rights." So when Bin Laden's secret lair was tracked down in August of last year, a plan was hatched to come up with the perfect, cinema-friendly raid - with sponsorship from a major studio.
"We love Blackhwawk Down, so Ridley Scott was our first choice of director for the mission" the CIA spokesman implied through a one-way mirror. "But those helicopters are expensive, so we limited him to only blowing one up this time". The planning didn't end with the actual details of the mission - the timing was also critical.
"We didn't want the mission to clash with any other major news stories, so we obviously had to wait until the Royal Wedding was out of the way" the mysterious figure exxplained. "And we had to have the raid at night: explosions look way cool in the dark."
The technical details were analyzed at length. "Naturally, we had to equip the helicopters with the latest 3D, HD cameras, and enough microphones to ensure a crisp, 5.1 Dolby Digital sound track". The script also needed close attention. "All the best action movies have a beginning, middle and end. We learned from out mistakes with the Iraq war, where we forgot to plan an 'end', and just got stuck in an endless loop of 'middle'", the spook whispered. "So we planned a big finale for this one, where the credits could roll over a sunset at sea, as Bin Laden's coffin sunk below the waves".
Military planners and movie execs will be analysing the films sales closely, once it is released in the Summer. Big ticket sales could lead to more military action being planned by Holywood, and if all box office records are broken, Warner Brothers may invade Syria before the end of the year.