The ongoing scandal about whether or not David Cameron had a dinner over christmas with Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear and Rebekah Brooks, chief executive of News International, blew up again when Jeremy Clarkson denounced David Cameron as a shallow sexist, ignorant public school twat.
"Rebekah and I were discussing how we could address health issues in the third world, " said Mr Clarkson, "when David kept trying to change the subject to cars or the wives of other politicians. When we tried discussing how our news outlets could be used to get the public to act against global warming, the idiot kept saying it was all a conspiracy by the lentil heads. But I myself am a vegetarian, and cycled to the dinner to reduce my carbon footprint. Then he told Rebekah to "Calm down, dear"
Rebekah Brooks agreed, stating that Cameron was clearly trying to gain influence with important people, in order to meet his own short-term goals. "Rest assured," said Rebekah, "Cameron will be treated as his predecessors: he will get our support as long as he does what he's told. Tony knew that."