Here's a start...
With the economy stagnating and nothing left to privatise, concerns are growing that the government is having to resort to selling advertising space on senior ministers in order to make ends meet.
Political researchers' suspicions were raised after David Cameron's recent "calm down dear" remark in the Commons coincided with a large unscheduled tax payment from insurance company esure. This, combined with the hitherto unexplained "OXO" motif on the chancellor's red box at the last budget, seems to have confirmed the possibility that the government front bench may be benefiting from commercial sponsorship.
Prime Minister Cameron, dressed informally in a giant cigarette costume bearing the Marlboro logo, was quick to refute the allegations, insisting his remarks were merely "careless banter, as light as the mildest mellow-smoking Virginia tobacco".
Take it away, people!