In a surprise move from No 10 announced today, the government has passed new legislation, requiring all "newborn" children form 1st August 2011 to be "officially" recorded as being 16 years old.
A Government spokesman announced this at a 26 course luncheon in aid of "Child Poverty" today, saying "It makes perfect economic sense and will help accelerate the financial recovery of the country", he continued, "it will do away with ALL childhood diseases and considerably cut our education budget, by giving every child the chance to opt out if they really don't want to be bothered to go to school - the savings to the public purse will be immense".
Analysts have given the new law a cautious welcome. Gerald Copingstone of "Action for Anything that gets a Grant" said, "We can understand why the government wish to do this and can clearly see that it will save billions in it's first year. An additional benefit is that, as no benefits are payable to anyone under the age of 25, then the knock on effects will be noting but positive", he continued, "But I think we have to understand that, many of our children will no longer be eligible for the 2,324 vaccines that they currently MUST have before the age of 18 months, and this could have a negative effect on some pharmaceutical companies, which the government may not have considered".
The Charity "Mercury for All" were far more damning of the move, "I don't think that the government have thought this through", said Edward Bastarde, CEO of the charity, "many children will simply not get the opportunity to have their fair share of medical adjutants injected, which could lead to massive civil unrest in my opinion".
Oh ... I can't be bothered - will finish it later :) :)