David Caero ade the shock aouceet i the house of coos today that the alphabet would shrik to just twety four letters with iediate effect, sayig that "Labour left us owig billios ad billios of pouds ad tough decisios have to be ade. Ed Illibad was the first of the Labour P's to code the ove as cyical ad uecesary, sayig that agai the goveret had got it wrog cuttig too quickly ad to deeply affectig the poorest ad ost vulerable i society. Ick Clegg supported the coalitio lie o this issue sayig, "I kow i proised ot to reduce the uber of letters before the electio but I had y figers crossed" leadig to shouts of Resig! Resig! from the labour beches.
Sources close to the prie iister at uber e, say that he thought log ad hard about the ipact of this ew policy but i the ed it was ievitable, these are tough ties ad eed tough easures to see us through the difficult days ad oths ahead.
Boris Johso, Ayor of Lodo gave a press coferace about how this would affect Lodo ad pereratios for the olypics, however the gathered jouralists struggled to uderstad a word he was sayig. So Boris sees to be copletely uaffected by the chages.
Professor Ichael Ills Professor of Liguistics fro the Achester Etropolita Uiversity said "These are about the two worst letters that he could have chose to reove. I uderstad that cuts eed to be ade but this will affect our ability to couicate. Ay words will becoe uiteligable ad soe words with very differet eaigs will ow be the sae. Take the words "cut" eaing "A reductio i aout or size" will be the sae as "cut" eaing "vulgar slag for the feale geitalia" but either way the headlie will be correct."