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You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak!

(14 posts) (9 voices)

Started 2 years ago by bonjonelson
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bonjonelson

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As today is the anniversary of 1994, what better time than to post a few news headlines from The Day Today.

Bouncing Elephantiasis Woman destroys Central Portsmouth.
Bryan Ferry Bathmat Dangerous Say Scientists.
Bottomley refreshed after three days on Cross.
Branson's clockwork dog crosses Atlantic floor.
and sacked chimney-sweep pumps boss full of mayonnaise.

How about more surreal headlines on NB?

Posted 2 years ago #
FormerlyAlOPecia

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Post Office Blimp "no better than it should be".
Man on bicycle, just thinking.
Werewolf badgers "unlikely by Christmas".
Antarctic ice floe in demarcation dispute.

Posted 2 years ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Strawberry Tarts victorious.
Unicorn wins election race.
Archbishop of Canterbury found on moon.
Referendum calls over biscuits.

I could go on in this vein forever...

Posted 2 years ago #
bonjonelson

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Large-footed man wary of hedgehog invasion.

Vaccinations to prevent Cliff Richard now available on the NHS.

Hertfordshire County Council Libraries deny secret nuclear weapons programme.

Ghost of Bernard Matthews struggling to enunciate anything more than 'OooooooOoo'

Over 57% of men believe that at least 26% of women are unlikely to trust 35% or less of statistics.

Teaching robots to sneeze "biggest challenge of 21st century", claims Brian Cox

Posted 2 years ago #
rikkor

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J'aime plus werewolf badgers.

Posted 2 years ago #
rickwestwell

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Bedsit couple 'regret adopting camel'

Posted 2 years ago #
be reasonable

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EU directive forbids hedgehog tickling.
Complete Regiment of Waffen SS found in Merthyr Tydfil.
Lost tribe of Africa discovered in Helsinki.
Law of Gravity repealed on second reading in House of Lords.

Posted 2 years ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Apologies be reasonable, but I must pinch one of your ideas...

...Law of Gravity found to Breach Human Rights Act.

(Just had to get that out of my system.)

Posted 2 years ago #
JayGee

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Man raised by spoons clatters into Keith Chegwin

Yoghurt to be sold only by the tonne, rules EU

Umbrella child to marry Hulk Hogan

Wedding reception marred by Chief Constable's drunken masturbation

Monkey slippers to be official mascot for England's vomit cup bid

Posted 2 years ago #
riesler

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Licked squirrel twats puffin.

Posted 2 years ago #
bonjonelson

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Cirencester Cathedral covered with dead rabbits for easter.

World's tallest dwarf sues The Guinness Book of Records.

Kevin Bacon hovers majestically over the the River Trent for charity.

Nottinghamshire council to reduce prison over-crowding by inflating prisoners with helium and tying them with string to lamp posts.

Peaches Geldolf as "deadly as a badger on crack", claims Police Chief.

Posted 2 years ago #
FormerlyAlOPecia

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Currency flatulence up on last month.
Fried cod supports Bono, eventually.
Banana drought "due to ozone hole".
Berlusconi's Mother in wardrobe scam.

Posted 2 years ago #
jp1885

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Dempsey and Makepeace 'predicted the future' claims crab.

Posted 2 years ago #
bonjonelson

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Panama Hats "too large for bees" claims cleric.

Leona Lewis "sings to her own teeth at night"

Next Week: All of this week's news but slightly damper

Four Score and Ten Albanians in motor-home buggery accident.

Posted 2 years ago #

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