Libyan rebels at a Tunisian border post were surprised by the arrival of Paul Gascoigne last night. The troubled footballer was carrying a roast chicken, 4 cans of Newcastle Brown and a fishing rod.
"I feel close to Lionel Richie: we've both flogged crisps with Gary Lineker" slurred the former England international. "Then I saw him on the telly in a golf cart, surround by armed militia, and I just thought he needed to have a sit down with some beer and chicken. And a fishing rod. Does anyone no a good spot to fish in this desert?" asked Paul.
Gazza later apologised, and claimed he hadn't realised people had been murdered. "Lionel's changed his name to Muammar Gaddafi? Oh, that's a bit like what Cat Stevens did", the confused sportsman reasoned.
Unconfirmed reports claim Gascoigne was later seen waiting outside Nick Clegg's house.