Kate Middleton's newly commissioned family coat-of-arms is to feature a golden pick and shovel, to symbolise the family's rise from lowly Durham mining stock, to the very pinnacle of the British class system, by means of a super-human (some might say mercenary) feat of social climbing.
Also present on the beautifully, 'coloured in', armorial plaque, will be a 'triptych' of Greggs Pastries ( 'Sausage Roll', 'Steak Bake', and 'Ginger Bread Man'), and a also a silhouette of Keith Duffy (Miss Middleton's favourite member of the Irish boy-band, 'Boyzone', and sometime Barman at the 'Rover's Return Inn', 'Coronation Street').