Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Charles is to extend his Royal Duchy brand of up-market merchandise to encompass a countrywide chain of fish and chip shops following the success of a pilot scheme on the Isle of Wight last year. The move is described as "a 'leveraging' of the populaity of Katherine Middleton's extended family business in the far North of the country". The chain will bear the "Charlie's Chippy's" [sic] brand name with a logo of a pair of crossed cod rampant.
Waiters at the eat-in restaurants, also in-store at larger Waitrose branches, will be dressed as footmen; menus will include such delicacies as "Kate's Cod", "Willie's Winkles", "Phil's Phish Phillets", "Lillibet's 'allibut", "Harry's Plaice", "Anne's old Trout" "Eddie's Sprats" and "Andy's Fresh, Young, Tender, Angelfish".
The Duke of Edinburgh was overheard remarking loudly to an aide that "this is nothing short of bloody dumming down of the bloody monarchy and someone should put a bloody stop to it before they announce plans to extend the bloody brand to include a "Charlie's Chinese" chain or something just as bloody foreign. Bloody hell; where has it all gone wrong?"
Bucking Palace was, otherwise, as light-tipped as ever last night.
