The beauty industry was rocked by fresh controversy yesterday, when health experts warned consumers against the latest trend for shark pedicures.
"We have already made consumers aware of the health risks from fish pedicures", said Professor of Health Dr. Gno, "but we are frankly surprised that we have to also highlight the dangers of dangling your feet in a frothing vat of hungry sharks."
Shallow people the length of the UK are taking ever-greater risks in the name of beauty, from injecting their faces with cow diseases, to taking heroin to lose weight. But the shark pedicures have already claimed their first victim. A 25-year old model in Birmingham took her own life, when she realised her reduced height following the treatment had pushed her theoretical body-mass index above 5%.
A spokesman for the leading shark pedicure firm, Footloose, was unrepentant. "Show me someone who critises our radical treatment, and I will show you someone with ugly, ugly feet", said Ms Jane DiMare, from her hospital bed.