Boy scouts are more likely to have their first sexual experience with a member of the opposite gender than any time in the last 104 years as, for the first time in its history; more girls joined the ranks of the scouting movement in the last twelve months than creepy middle-aged men.
According to World Organization of the Scout Movement spokesman Shaun Cook, female youth membership has risen by 6.9% in the past year and by 88% since 2005. ‘There are now 66,576 girls in the scouts, in comparison to a 7.7% rise for boys. This is great news for us – statistically speaking our teenage lads are now much more likely to have a sexual awakening as a result of a clumsy fumble with a girl, as opposed to being, y’know, interfered with.’
Since it’s inception by Robert Baden-Powell in 1907, the scouting movement has been fostering a spirit of adventure, respect and self-sufficiency through regular meetings, camps and jamborees, explained Cook. ‘These used to be rather tense affairs, with boys practically sewing their tent flaps shut at night to discourage a dodgy pack leader from showing them his 'woggle', but nowadays there’s a far more liberated air to these occasions. The older lads are flinging their tents open in the hope of a quick knee-trembler and with the introduction of the contraception badge, our motto of ‘be prepared’ has never been so apt.’
News of the increase in female scouts has led to a sharp rise in the number of boys wishing to join the movement, Cook revealed. ‘Our waiting list is growing at an impressive rate as kids from across the world realise the value in becoming a scout. From securing a guide rope with a clove-hitch knot to shinning down a drainpipe to avoid an angry father, the life lessons we teach are invaluable.’
Celebrated explorer and Chief Scout Bear Grylls said he thought it was ‘great’ that more girls were joining. ‘Being a Scout represents all that is great about life: adventure, life skills and friendship,’ he added. ‘It’s all about amazing experiences these days -how much has changed since when I was a kid. Back then the most useful thing we were taught was how to skin a rabbit in a wilderness environment – I didn’t learn how to unclasp a bra strap until I was 21, when a particularly accommodating Gurkha woman taught me a thing or two during a whiteout at an Everest base camp. Some might say that kids of today have it handed to them on a plate – I say, why the hell not? Fill yer boots son!’