Let me be quite clear. Sam and I love a Ruby on a Saturday night, so the Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis- call them what you will, they're in.
The Chinese, yes, sure, they've made a terrific contribution to the management of poultry leftovers in this country and we welcome them warmly.
If we want a treat with the kids then Pizza Hut offer remarkable value, and are none-too-careful to count how many times you've been up to the salad bar so I have to say, colleagues, that the Italians are in, most definately.
Here I must also acknowledge the tremendous debt of gratitude we owe to our 'special relations' in the USA; by their strenuous efforts we now rejoice in a nation where no-one has to waddle more than fifty yards for a burger and the pressure release on our education system means we no longer have to bother teaching the botom twenty per cent, we just steer them straight into a McJob.
Since a bit of an experience with some dodgy enchiladas I am prepared to listen to counsel on the Mexicans but I would clarify my stance now as pretty firmly in favour. Of course my stance then was rather unsteady, but lets let bygones be bygones.
However, and here I shall be robust; Irish Stew is not exactly tricky and this great nation of ours has a long history of being able to boil food perfectly competently, so I think their position is looking shaky.
As to the Eastern European nations, Goulash was absolutely dreaded as a Thursday evening supper at school and I am adamant we'll have no truck with the lot of them- I'm afraid the Hungarians have spoilt it for everyone.
Australians, New Zealanders, South Africans- I am strongly of the opinion that merely inventing a new word for 'barbecue' does not equal the creation of a national cuisine and some chewy strips of buffalo steak won't save them, so they can biltong back to where they came from (laughter pause).
The French, well, they've sat on their laurels for long enough now and we would be looking for significant improvement from them before allowing them in, and frankly the Germans haven't got a hope this side of a meteor strike.
Now, I say to you, this process has Really been enlightening, the task force on this have been very thorough, and as a fringe benefit of the investigation we are announcing a schism from Scotland and Wales. To be candid, they've got nothing of any possible value to us in their entire national repertoire. Certainly don't be fooled by 'lava bread' until you've tried it, thats an eye opener I can tell you.
I hope I have been pretty clear on these criteria, whilst allowing myself a little lattitude for a vigorous reversal should someone come up on the rails with a dish of the day. Now, who's coming for a kebab?
(thanks Scroat for spinning his globe and picking up a miss for the good old US of A)