The world of moderate news broadcasting was shaken off the fence today as legendary Channel Four anchor Jon Snow resigned after being told to pay for his own ties. ‘It’s madness!’ stated a Channel Four spokesman, ‘all we asked was that rather than popping to Harrods everyday to get a new tie and charging it to expenses, he might the like to limit himself to a handful, or pop to the ‘Tie rack’ instead. For Jon, it used to be about non-partisan commitment to the truth, now it’s all socks and ties.’
The ill-feeling was echoed by the previously reticent Snow: ‘Channel Four used to be about truth and honesty; now it’s about extended advertisement breaks, Big Brother and fucking Hollyoaks. And now I can’t wear my ties? And my socks?! It’s bollocks. The only reason people watch that show, is because of my hosiery and neckwear, and Krishnan’s fuck-ups. How many times have I stood up and looked a bloody idiot when some monkey didn’t push a button? And what distracted people?! My tie! It was the glue. It’s a conspiracy. They’d all be nothing without me.’
Snow’s outburst came as little surprise to members of the Channel Four production team, who have complained persistently about his tardiness, irrational demands and more outlandish opinions. At a recent morning briefing, Snow suggested that the programme produce a piece entitled ‘Does Griffen have a point?’, provoking outrage amongst the production team, not least of all Krishnan Guru-Murphy who had to be physically restrained by Sarah Browne.
Observers point to increasing financial pressures as a cause of the tensions. Regardless, Snow’s departure leaves an opening for Krishnan Guru-Murphy to graduate to full-time anchor of the news programme seen by many as the only reasonable voice in British news. However, insiders fear that ITN may use the event as an opportunity to move the programme into the current mainstream consensus, with new ‘darky watch’, ‘paedophile chase’ and ‘it’s political correctness gone mad’ sections all likely inclusions. ITN failed to comment on the future, but stated that its current ITV show was to be a template.