The Department of Health confirmed yesterday that foreign language submissions to the consultation on NHS reform had sparked a "comparative translation goldmine unknown since we found the Rosetta stone".
Having agreed to accept questionnaires in the native languages of all health workers, civil servants quickly worked out that French, Dutch, German and Spanish employees were basically saying "what the fuck are you playing at?", but were forced to draft in academic help after getting bogged down in the common meaning of the central European phrase "cocksucking termites".
'It's a joy' said a lecturer from SOAS. 'The African linguistic group alone has given us enough material for a whole conference. Did you know the San Bushmen can represent "Tory wanker" by clicking "a man who, not having had to work for an ox himself because his father gave him hundreds, tries to take the ox away from the poor man, before pleasuring himself without his wife being present, whilst looking at an ox in a funny way?" It took us four days to work that out, and the opportunity is all thanks to Andrew Lansley. Tosser.'
Like the rest of the country, the boffins are hoping the government will give up and leave the NHS alone, 'but not before we learn the Sanskrit for "shit monkeys"' said one.