Researchers at the British Institute for Advanced Statistics (BIAS) have today revealed research that links eating exactly four (no more, no less) bananas on Sundays to certain mental health disorders. Emeritus Proffessor of tenuous links Grenville Lodge Phd BSc DPhil ACe OBE said that the evidence was irrefutable.
A statistically significant sample of volunteers in the Broadmoor area, and the Coney Hill area of Gloucester ate 4 bananas every Sunday for a week, and 66.66666667% were later diagnosed to be suffering from mental health issues. It's amazing, but it has to be 4 bananas, the figures speak for themselves, these sort of statistics do not lie. Asked what drive him to chose those geographic areas Prof. Lodge said that They were handy locations for himself and colleague Dr May McFadan to carry out the study - which was published in the 'News of the World' shorthly after octagenarian Dr McFadan called singer Rod Stewart to tell him about the exciting finding "I wanted to warn Rod against eating banans on Sundays", she said "he's such a lovely boy".
Shadow Secretary of State for Health, the Rt. Hon. Mr John Healey has demanded a government statement on "What they intend to do about this". "Look”, he said, “I know all about Health, just look at my name! The government should be acting now before all our institutions are full of banana eating gibbering idiots, I have seen the effect already, on my trip out to the zoo with my nephews yesterday".
A government spokesman said that the public should not be immediately concerned, and continue to eat bananas as one of their 'five a day' as normal.