Buckingham Palace announced today that, due to health and safety requirements, Carole Middleton will be giving a safety demonstration to the congregation at her daughter's wedding to Prince William.
The script has been leaked...
'Your majesty, your royal highnesses, princes and princesses, other minor royalty, dodgy presidents from overseas, celebs and WAGS, embarassing former lovers of the couple, ladies and gentlemen and Prince Harry, welcome aboard this royal wedding.
'We shall be flying today by the seat of our pants. Your sky-pilot today is Rowan Williams, though we may well be better off with Rowan Atkinson (pause for laughter).
'In case this whole thing crashes, the emergency exits are here - here- and here. Please take a moment to familiarise yourself with the nearest exit, as you may need it if you can't go more than a few minutes without a fag or a drink. Your nearest exit may be - all together now - (Congregation: Behind you!). Oh no it isn't! (Congregation - Oh yes it is!).
'If you start losing the will to live, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are a celebrity in need of attention, there is a whistle attached to the life jacket under your pew.
'If you find yourself all at sea, we will be passing round with a selection of vastly overpriced refeshments. We accept all currencies, especially from magazines wanting to take pictures of me.
'There are sick bags in front of you in case it starts reminding you of Charles and Diana's wedding (pause for congregation to look really embarrassed at this terrible gaffe).
'We hope you enjoy today's service. Crosscheck and Abbey doors to manual to keep out Fergie.'
Kate Middleton's mum to give safety demonstration at royal wedding
(2 posts) (2 voices)
Buckingham Palace announced today that, due to health and safety requirements, Carole Middleton will be giving a safety demonstration to the congregation at her daughter's wedding to Prince William.Posted 2 years ago #
Naughty, but nice.Posted 2 years ago #
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