News broke from Buckingham Palace today of Prince William and Kate Middleton's divorce date which will be the 15th of June 2016. The palace issued a statement declaring that in view of modern royal marriages traditionally ending in divorce it would be right to make it a bank holiday to commenerate the day the decree absolute will actually go through.
'The couple have agreed to the announcement now so that preparations can be made for for the inevitable divorce that usually happens within a few years of the marriage' explained Palace Spokesman Horace Lewis-Durham 'once the wedding is over the groundwork can begin for the divorce with the expectation of the usual infidelities to occur and the general disinterest in each other to manifest itself after both parties pursue other interests beyond the marriage'
Lewis-Durham went onto explain 'the divorce preparations would be initially low key so that they would'nt interfere with the couples attempts to consumate the marriage in order to provide a future heir to the throne but even before that child is born a Royal Decree will have already been issued to select the lawyers to represent them at the divorce hearing'.
William and Kate themselves seemed to be very easy with the idea as William is already working on old tricks for divorce ideas ' i've already taken a fancy to a horsey faced friend of mine to use as the old harboured love blag before meeting Kate' quipped William whilst on a Royal walkabout in Mansfield 'it worked for Dad so why not me'.
Kate who was seemed to be quite unfazed by her future husbands statement said 'I don't mind that because i'm sure it'll be the right sort of material to make my memoirs all the more tragic to increase the sales for my book' said Miss Middleton 'I'm going to need a nice little income once the royal purse has forsaken me in and around 2017'.
Buckingham Palace were very keen to set the date in the summer as they felt that the british public would love the idea of another bank holiday around June time to coincide with the nice weather. 'I would hope that the public will appreciate the timing of this royal divorce day' continued Spokesman Lewis-Durham 'the decree absolute for Charles and Diana came through in the middle of January so it was just aswell we never had a bank holiday for that'.
Lewis-Durham finished his statement on the divorce by making a side swipe at the Earl and Countess of Wessex 'I wish they'd get their act together and seperate like all the rest' he fumed ' It's not the modern way to be happily married in the Royal Family and this break with tradition is going to be sending out the wrong message that a royal marriage in the twenty first century can actually work'.