Bernardino the Bull, the mascot of the children’s club at a popular timeshare resort in Mallorca, was brutally slain mid hokey-cokey by an out of work matador who had fatally erred in his bovine taxonomy. Bernardino had already performed a number of his standard songs and dances, including a song that reiterated his love of swimming and beach volleyball, when Jose Manuel Ximinez leapt straight into the circle, revealed his carefully hidden sword, and mortally wounded the entertainer unlucky enough to be dressed as Bernardino. Horrifically, just as the pre-recorded soundtrack announced that ‘you put your right arm in, your right arm out, in, out, in, out, shake it all about,’ Mr Ximinez performed the tercio de muerte on the bull he thought he was there to slay.
Following his arrest, the local police revealed that Mr Ximinez had been driven temporarily insane by a full day of timeshare marketing by the local resort representatives. The chief of local police announced, “We are satisfied that Mr Ximinez had made a trip to the resort to purchase an overpriced meal of average quality at one of the resort’s restaurants. While he was there he was cornered by members of the timeshare sales team who told him that, for just twenty thousand euros, he could actually save money on further poor quality cuisine.”
According to the forensic psychiatrist, Mr Ximinez suffered a complete breakdown when it was explained to him that the maintenance charge was ‘easily achievable’. At that point, he ran screaming down to the stage where, tragically, Bernardino the bull was dancing with a group of children. Mr Ximinez, in a deluded rage, interpreted the accompanying entertainers as banderilleros and immediately slipped back into his old routine. With a cold strike of his lethal blade, Bernardino the bull fell.
Mr Ximinez has been detained in the local secure psychiatric unit for an indefinite period. However, Mr Ximinez was fortunate enough to join the flexible points scheme with the resort and therefore has the opportunity to store up his missed weeks in detention to take all at once upon release.