Animal conservationists are calling for a quota system to be enforced upon Noel Edmonds hunters after a survey by the WWF revealed that the species is facing over-predation from leather poachers.
Since the creature emerged from the pits of hell, Noel Edmonds have been been hunted extensively for their stylish and snug-fitting leather trousers, which are a much sought-after commodity in the towns and cities of the 1980s.
Numbers of wild Noel Edmonds have dwindled due to urban expansion, deforestation and competition from animals sporting more contempory pipe jeans, and the news that there are only three hundred breeding pairs of Noel Edmonds left in the wild has brought cries of anxiety from beardy,leather trouser-wearing tits nationwide.
The news has also caused anxiety in the city, with share prices for leather trousers, as well as vasoline, plumbing new depths.
Conservationists had been bouyed by news DEFRA began experimenting with a Noel Edmonds breeding programme as the government began work to preserve one of Englands most persistent, if slightly repugnant, species.
However, initial trials have proved unsuccessful as the Noel Edmonds kept in captivity show a predilection for fauning over inappropriately young women and humping their own legs.
More worryingly, one breeding pair failed to produce a Noel Edmonds, instead giving birth to a lesser form of bearded tit, a Bill Oddie, sparking anger amongst members of the Royal Society for the Protection of Kate Humbles.