Fictional Professor of Religious Iconography, Robert Langdon, has announced his support for the 'NO to AV' Campaign amidst fears that numbers would over-complicate and dilute the Westminster electoral system.
Langdon received world-wide acclimation for his 2006 fictional uncovering of a some lie which the church was apparently telling. In 2009, he was also something to do with the Pope being a terrorist, or terrorising people, or getting killed by a terrorist... it was difficult to follow precisely.
Despite Langdon’s longstanding disputes with the Catholic Church, senior Cardinals have recently praised him because of that thing which apparently happened at the end of Angels and Demons, whilst this reporter was sound asleep. Nevertheless, his recent move to question the ability of the British electorate to write down a series of number has been criticised by Pope Benedict as “ridiculous”, “convoluted”, and “probably a publicity stunt”.
In a press conference, Langdon stated that “they want you to think that the winner gets the most votes, right? In fact, under AV the winner is decided by a secret organisation, who have their headquarters under the Egyptian pyramids”.
When pressed by Labour Leader, and all round dullard, Ed Miliband for evidence, Langdon went on: “can't you see? It's right there, in the numbers. There is 1 top to each pyramid, and each pyramid has 4 sides. Now, the numbers between '1' and '4' are '2' and '3' and those are the numbers which people are forced to assign to their second and third choice, under AV.” Langdon then turned his head to the ceiling, in a typically Hollywood attempt to seem knowledgeable.
Richard Dawkins, who is far less fictional, but just as unabashedly atheist as Langdon, commented that he did not know “what this guy is prattling on about this time” and suggested that Landon take his “ridiculous opinions and place them where the sun rarely shines”.
In a statement this morning, David Cameron backed Langdon's decision. “What we all really have to remember, is that it doesn't matter whether Mr. Langdon is fictional, or we agree with his arguments, or even if we can't sit through the Da Vinci Code without wanting to gauge out our own eyes. What matters, is that people around the country are uniting to oppose this perfectly reasonable reform, in the realistic hope that Nick Clegg will burst into tears live on television.”