‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is’ is one of the favourite sayings of Agnes Rassiter of Banstead in Surrey and so her son, George Rassiter, a self proclaimed Geek's geek and Laser Quest fanatic thought this must be the case when he first laid eyes on a lady wearing just her ‘birthday suit’.
In November 2010 George reached his forty third birthday and his mother decided he was finally old enough to experience some more adult-themed entertainment. To this end she tucked around four thousand pounds under the clamp on his clipboard and booked him in for three nights solid at the famous Spearmint Rhino in London.
Three months later, after George had recovered enough for his clipboard to be prised from his hands, scientists discovered the saying ‘If it seems too good to be true it probably is’, plus the scientific equation proving it to be the case, scrawled in pink lipstick on the first few pages. The workings on the clipboard suggested that the female form was a solid state hologram similar to that used in the comedy series 'Red Dwarf' and went on to conclude that, underneath this projected charade, human females were actually constructed from masonry.
George went on to state; “When it looks as though makeup has been applied with a trowel, it is quite possible that this may actually be the case”
When questioned about worldwide discrepancies between forms George explained that, “In some areas the hologram is affected, both negatively and positively, by the surrounding environment. The clean air of Sweden means the holograms are almost one hundred percent efficient and project a near perfect version of the female form, whereas in some areas of Essex the effect can be considerably less successful.”
There has been a far greater than usual response to George’s research from the general scientific community, ‘It appears to have struck a nerve, especially with our younger male students’ explained Dan French, head of scientific research at Cambridge university, ‘with such intense interest I had no choice but to put a large lump of our budget towards this research and head it up myself.’
George, meanwhile, has returned to the Spearmint Rhino for further investigation into the subject.