Some of the worlds leading physicists have conceded that we may not yet know enough about the nature of the universe to explain the existence of IKEA. The popular Swedish furniture company first attracted the attention of scientists when a couple entered a branch in Gateshead before reappearing two hours later brandishing a bag of tea lights and having apparently aged forty years .
‘The theory of relativity tells us that when an object approaches the speed of light, time begins to slow meaning that in what seems like two hours a thousand years might have passed in the rest of the universe,’ explained Prof. Brian Cox.
‘This "IKEA Syndrome" is exactly opposite of everything that we know. It appears that time goes so slowly beyond the event horizon of the office department that in the space of two hours, these people appear to have wasted literally half their lives in IKEA looking for a chopping board and some Swedish meatballs.’
The couple revealed that they simply couldn’t find a way out until a ghostly apparition with a yellow t shirt floated aimlessly around them before darting away from the stricken customers through a secret exit.
‘Every time we tried to go back the way we came there seemed to be an invisible, unrelenting trolley-shaped force which pushed us backwards. We kept on trying to get the attention of the apparition but it just ignored us!,’ said Mrs. Webb of Hebburn.
‘All in all it was a wasted trip. We just picked up useless junk’, explained Mr Webb. 'And the meatballs were shit!’
Theorists believe the flat-packed, space-saving nature of IKEA’s products juxtaposed with the sheer bloody-minded labyrinthine nature of the stores themselves may have created a paradox which shattered the space-time continuum, resulting in a parallel universe.
‘This means that each IKEA store might be littered with thousands of millions of parallel universes filled with people struggling to find the way out,’ explained Prof. Cox. ‘It’s just a theory, but if it is right, we can be mathematically certain that none of them will be able to find the toilets.’