Talks reached deadlock between Cirencester couple Leonard and Susanne Davis, parents of seventeen year old Gus, over the line to take when they eventually pluck up courage to have the sex talk with him.
“Better him doing it here where he’s safe, rather than behind the community centre up against some bins,” Mr Davis argued.
His wife disagreed. “He should have more respect for Hannah. Besides, she’s only sixteen.”
“Hannah was last week; it’s Bethany,” Leonard corrected. “And she’s fifteen. But she looks older.”
Eventually, partial agreement was reached on two points: Gus would be supplied with condoms so long as Mrs Davis ‘didn’t have to see them’, and Gus could entertain Bethany in his room so long as they called it a ‘study session’ and when they came out, looked and acted as though they really had been studying.
Mr Davis left the discussion to drill a discreet hole in Gus’s bedroom wall ‘because he’s been meaning to get a CO2 alarm for in there.’
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Warring parents fail to agree terms for sex talk with teenage son
(21 posts) (8 voices)
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allmyownstunts
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago # -
Mary Evans
offlineMemberBabs 'n' Stunts back on the same bill at last! Babs, frost us some Martini glasses, the gang's back together.
Nice work Stunts. Young Master Mary recently asked how Baby Stranglewank got out of my tummy. I told him that mummies have a special baby tunnel that babies use to get out of their tummies. His concern? "Are there any traffic jams?"
Posted 2 years ago # -
allmyownstunts
offlineMemberNo complaints from me Neal, that's for sure.
Maz, what a fiercely intelligent child that is. Is he yours? Tell him that some really clever mummies like his Auntie Stunts avoid traffic jams because their tummies open up at the top like Tracy Island. That should guarantee you a few moments' peace and some searching questions from his teacher when you pick him up tomorrow.Thank you for saying nice things about the sub, all xx
Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberAs a fellow member of the NB "Gang of three, no four, or is it six, hang on, we'd better count again..." I have awarded the pre-arranged number of stars.
Vince, bloody good shout about the Martinis my lovely, make mine a French one though Babs.
YMM is an inquisitive little chap, have you considered telling him to mind his own bloody business?
Love the Tracy Island analogy Stunts, I've always referred to my 'flip-top' as being akin to the ejector canopy on a fighter jet, makes it seem a little more interesting than it is.
As for your story, art imitating life perchance?Much love gang, fab to see you all in the one place again. Mwah xxx
(Hurry up with that cocktail Babs, I'm fecking choking here!!)
Posted 2 years ago # -
allmyownstunts
offlineMemberLife imitating art? How very dare you! Just because I might have a sixteen and a half year old son who is in the throes of discovery with his new girlfriend who is Belgian and speaks many, many languages and Dr Stunts kind of glazes over at the VERY thought, has no bearing on my satirical output WHATSOEVER.
(Neal? My drink?)
Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberJust as I thought.
(Desperately tries to work cunning linguist comment in, and fails)Where's that bloody
waiterwaitressNeal?!Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberSorry! You could always send Doctor Stunts in with a pile of leaflets on STDs and contraceptive choices?
On second thoughts, probably best not to...
Christ, you can die of thirst in here!
Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberHere, I jumped the bar when no-one was looking.
I've probably got enough to make a vodka, lager and slops cocktail...Posted 2 years ago # -
[sometime later, staggers back into room...] Jeez, that slops cocktail ain't 'alf got a kick. Or maybe that was Jeni went she jumped the bar. [rubs head] Can't remember. Fuck knows what they put in that spliff. [checks self] Ah, thank God, still got my hip flask. [starting to ramble] Meant to tell Allmy, I've already had one replacement hip flask... [falls asleep in room]
[Elephant] Git.
Posted 2 years ago # -
nealdoran
offlineMemberI pop in with a friendly SMash Hits reference, which you're all obviously too young to appreciate, and come back a few hours later and it's descended into some kind of sexy talk drinks bender. Once again, I'm in not quite the right place, at not quite the right time.
Vince, I believe you've moved, but reports of the likelihood of traffic jams in certain areas appear to have followed you. Emigration may have to be the next step.
I imagine that the answer to all possible tricky questions at any age from any boy child must surely to be to answer in intricate gynaecological detail. Ideally with slides. First time might be a tad embarrassing, but you should only have to do it once, and you could be sure you'd never be asked again, and for decades to come they'd not even be able to look at a nubile young continental without horrific flashbacks. You can always adopt grandchildren.
Be reasonable, as you were.
Has anyone seen the Noilly Prat bottle I was keeping my meths in?
Posted 2 years ago # -
allmyownstunts
offlineMemberToo young? Pshaw. Back in the day, I won an autographed Human League album (Dare) in the Smash Hits caption competition.
The question was: 'I can't live without an autographed Human League album because...'
My award winning answer? 'I can't get with it without it'.
See, you never lose it.Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberStunts, I do believe I have the copy of Smash Hits with that winning line somewhere in my Dad's house.
Incidentally, I surely am not the only Scot to have sniggered every week while picking up my copy over the "wee jobby" in the title?Anyway, my only claim to fame magazine wise, is to have been regularly caught bunking off school because of my appearances in the 'vox pops' of Blue Jeans, Jackie and Patches.
You'd think I would have learned after the first one.Posted 2 years ago #
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