The BBC has launched its annual search for talent-free no-hopers for this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
'It's an exciting time for us,' said Bill Dreary, the BBC's Head of Losing Things. 'It's extraordinary how many completely useless singers there are out there. I know you see them on the X Factor, but that's aiming pretty high for us. We want the worst of the worst. If they can sing in tune they're out. If they look as if they can read, or string 2 sentences together, we don't want to know. And if they can dress themselves AND go to the toilet on their own it's pointless them applying.
'We're also looking for ghastly songs which send the audience to sleep in seconds. We thought we'd come up with the best there is in His Majesty Sir Lord Lloyd-Webber. I mean, wasn't it horrendous!! It sounded like all his other songs sung by someone on beta blockers, and we're looking to repeat that this year. We thought of Neil Diamond, but he's American. So we've chosen Lord Sir Elton John, as his output for the last 20 years has been truly dire. Every song sounds exactly the same as all the others, they all go at the same tempo, and there's no vocal range, so it's perfect for what we want.
'And we made completely sure we would get exactly no points by declaring war on Libya, so we've booked our place at the bottom of the table already.'
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Search is on for a bunch of losers to represent UK in Eurovision Song Contest
(8 posts) (5 voices)
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John Wiltshire
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago # -
John Wiltshire
offlineMemberWe can only hope...
Talking of miming, the best comment on the subject was Al Murray talking to Mel B after their last tour. He asked 'Were there any technical malfunctions, like someone forgetting to switch the microphones off?' This was followed by an odd lack of denial by the said Ms B...
Posted 2 years ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberWinning it 3 times almost ruined Ireland as the winner hosts the next one. Ironically there may be some sense in planning to lose. Any one fancy writing a story on the Europop-ularity contest?
By the way. Why is it called EuroVISION?
Posted 2 years ago # -
BillyBitzer
offlineMember"Why is it called EuroVISION?" At the risk of giving a sensible answer, because it's always been to the telly - it was invented by the EBU to show off the technology that different counties could actually all link up. In the 50's
Not funny, but true.
It's also not funny but true that Blue were chosen without any sort of public contest some months ago.
Posted 2 years ago #
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