Schools Minister Nick 'Gibbo' Gibb announced today that teachers were to be given the right to cage unruly pupils. As part of the governments drive to make teachers as popular as Liberal Democrats, all schools will be required to install a cage at the back of each classroom. Teachers will have the right to cage pupils who are disrupting lessons and in extreme cases will be allowed to electrify the bars at a voltage that will stun the miscreant. "This will send a strong message to pupils and parents that teachers must be respected, not because of their training, knowledge and commitment but because you'll be sorry if you cross them." said Nick Gibb.
Teaching unions expressed concern that the new powers might be disproportionate and cause conflict between schools and parents. "Problems could arise where parents think that their kids are badly done to little angels who are just misunderstood and at the other end of the spectrum with parents who just want us to lock their kids up and throw away the key" said an NASUWT spokesperson "and of course some teachers are just vindictive bastards who will take the opportunity to randomly torture students."
Liberal Democrat leaders have denied that they don't know the difference between fear and respect. Teachers unions have demanded clarification by way of a 400 word essay on the subject and have suggested that ministers use George Orwell's 1984 as background reading.