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You turn your back for five minutes...

(21 posts) (11 voices)

Started 2 years ago by Mary Evans
Latest reply from Mary Evans

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Mary Evans

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... and everyone is still moaning about the scoring system, elitism, the fact they've still failed to nail Jeni B (including Mr B) ... I love this place.

So how the devil is everyone? I can see the need for a few smacked botties as there are some who aren't playing nicely in the sandpit, but I'm sure all the offenders will enjoy any chastisement far too much than is strictly necessary. I look forward to starting an NB renaissance of stranglewanking, badger-fisting, squirrel-licking, chicken-smuggling.

Come along people - what have I missed?
Love, and other hotel bills,
Mx

Posted 2 years ago #
Ironduke

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I'm conducting some thesis research on strangle-wanking. If you have any general material- diagrams, illustrations, phone-numbers- then I'll be happy to credit you on my work.

Posted 2 years ago #
Mary Evans

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Photos I have - but you'll have to pay for them like everyone else on that website you dirty doughnut.

Posted 2 years ago #
Ironduke

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I see where you're coming from.

Posted 2 years ago #
Ironduke

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At least, I think I do...the pictures are a little grainy.

I do have celebrity trench-guzzling pictures to trade, if that influences your position?

Posted 2 years ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Vince!!!!
Mwah! Mwah!
Oh my God! How super fab to see you! You look, like, wow!
Please come back and lick these boys into shape, we've missed your strictness!
Love, hugs, etc
Jeni Bxxx

Posted 2 years ago #
NewSuburbanDad

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I was on an accidentally prolonged break from posting when you burst on the scene, so hello! I then watched with amazement at your incredible prose flow. Well, I say amazement, probably more like envy......

Posted 2 years ago #
Mary Evans

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Jen, I just love what you've done with your hair. Even under the latex cat mask - just heavenly. Seems we need to get the spanking paddles out, lady - clearly there has not been nearly enough time on the naughty mat for some.

And NewSuburbanDad, delighted to make your acquaintance. Although no-one likes a toady around here. Except me, I love it, do carry on. You are one of those Biscuiteers I heard about in legend and wondered if you were as mythical as a unicorn. Or size 8 jeans. And yet here you are - marvellous. I think it may be high time I came out of maternity leave - young Stranglewank is growing so fast - but I'll probably need to think of something to write first.

I think another NB drink must be in order soon. Perhaps to celebrate Ms Middleton becoming a royal fig leaf?

Posted 2 years ago #
Scroat

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Mary. The voice of sanity. Welcome back. There have been some goings on here and there, some unpleasant. Even Rikkor flounced a while back.

But smack some botties and I'm sure order will return.

And a drink sounds a splendid idea. Sheshire Sheese anyone???

Posted 2 years ago #
saltire

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Hello Beatrice,my favourite cockatoo.I've got a cuttlefish 'bone' for you to sharpen yer beak on...

Posted 2 years ago #
OldThingy

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I am never going near that particular cupboard.
Besides, it does not go with the tallboy on the other side.

Posted 2 years ago #
QorbeQ

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I mistakenly Googled "trench guzzling" this morning and was summarily dismissed from my employment. I expect recompense Ironduke, in the form of at least one pint.

(p.s. Hi again Mrs Evans)

Posted 2 years ago #
Ironduke

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Ah, the mistaken google. To be filed with the mistaken stumble during nude vacuuming.

I'm working on your compensatory pint. Thanks to the literature Mrs Evans sent helping me put on a bit of a spurt, I'd say I'm two-thirds of the way there.

Posted 2 years ago #
jp1885

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I'm currently eating cold KFC for lunch.
Oh, and hey Maz - just got back myself :-)

Posted 2 years ago #
Mary Evans

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Cor, JP - save us a chicken leg and some cold beans. Most things in life are much better if filthily inappropriate and leftover takeaway is just such a thing. Good to see you, cobber.

QorbeQ - delighted to see you again, you haven't changed a bit you dapper doughnut. And don't worry Scroaty, my firm but fair approach to discipline is clearly needed round these parts.

So Salty, darling. Do fuck off.

So come on then gang - when are we beering?

Posted 2 years ago #
The All New Jeni B

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I'll be in the George Street area in Edinburgh from the 29th April until 1st May, if anyone's about.
I'll be the one shouting, "It's my birthday, guess how old I am!!!!"

Posted 2 years ago #
be reasonable

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"It's my birthday, guess how old I am!!!!"
22? (Any chance of a shag?).

Posted 2 years ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Oh you're such a sliver-tongued flatter Mr reasonable.

No.

Posted 2 years ago #
NewSuburbanDad

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I've not been called a unicorn before, not even in the "you're just a tarted-up white donkey with a horn" sense.

Posted 2 years ago #
Oxbridge

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Can I just say I've NEVER complained about my failure to nail Jeni B?

Posted 2 years ago #
Mary Evans

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Oxymoron, I'm sure you have far better things to do with your time than complain about all the women you've failed to nail. And there are only so many hours in the day, sweetums...

Posted 2 years ago #

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