A short Frenchman, fresh from the conquest of a hot Italian wife, has gone on to campaign in the middle east this weekend.
'It eez true' said the General. ' Last time I watched ze British with envy as they romped about ze sands, and thought "we can't match that". But now I have her, I am strong. Vive La France, et ne te lave pas Carla, J'arrive!'
The General's Italian performance won him instant popularity with the French public, but they have tired of him, and rumours of enforced exile if he can't boost his ratings swirl around Paris.
'Bien sur it will work' declared the General. 'I am Corsican, not Corsican't.' He admitted asking for help from the Anglo-Saxons, but declared any victory would be Gallic. 'Decapitation, eh - where did ze Americans steal that idea from? And ze British have no money - zey are carrying our bags only.'
The British denied defence cuts had impacted their policy in the region. 'Ok we've had to rename the Typhoon fighter "Southwesterly 5 to 7, occasionally gale 8"' said a spokesman, 'but our effectiveness continues to be Moderate or Good, occasionally Poor.'